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You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
I took my family to Sea World this weekend, but i wasnt allowed in. Apparently you cant take your fishing rod.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?