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If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.
Another World`s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
"May the 4th" be with you!
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium