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If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
Don’t jump to confusions.
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
You see a mouse trap, I see free cheese and a challenge. ;)
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.