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I love being married. It`s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
“The darndest things.” -kids
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside