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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
It`s awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.