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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.