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New day, same old bullsh!t
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn`t want to be me on that day.
My inner self is in Photoshop
"Friendzoned" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn`t doing the same thing.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
Sorry I said "at least it`s healthy" when you asked me how cute your baby was.
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media