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I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.