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I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.