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Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
2015 and still no thieves interested in my identity.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.
Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.