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My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
I order all my food with extra gluten.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.
I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!