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I`m on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.