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Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
It`s called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Doing absolutely nothing on the weekends has started to feel more fun than actually going out.
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.