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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
If someone says โyouโre funnyโ instead of laughing, youโre not.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
If thereโs one thing that having kids will teach you, itโs home repair.
If it makes you feel better, donโt call it โPremature Ejaculation.โ Call it โSpeed Datingโ
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
FOR SALE: P90Xยฎ home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers