Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers