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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
Roses are red, violets are blue, the boss snuck out early, so I left too.
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie