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A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?