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I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
ROFL!!ā¦.. LOL jk iām still in my chair.
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...
I`ve honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.