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I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.