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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
Walmart needs observation decks.
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener