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My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
I`ve seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
Asking me if Iām hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D