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Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.