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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?