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What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
My life may be a mess but at least I didn`t make a harlem shake video.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong