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I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
Own the day
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...