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Maybe teenagers just aren`t strong enough yet to remove the sticker from their hat
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
My support group can outdrink your support group.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome I am.
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.