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If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what`s for dinner.
I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
Iām not in denial, Iām just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.