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Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
I`m happy that my grandma thinks that a iPad is for wet and leaking eyes
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"