Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
"Probiotic" sounds a lot better than "bacteria infested"
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.