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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
You only live once is the most reassuring thing I`ve ever heard.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.