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One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
Cops never say “thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed”. It’s just plain selfish.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....