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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
Just once when they interview a serial killer’s neighbor I’d like to hear them say “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he was a real Weirdo”
If you blow out the kid`s Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
Sometimes at the gym I`ll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I`ll get my shorts on.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.