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I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
I have Beer.
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.