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Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
your status deserves a standing ovation but I`m lazy I`ll just click `like`
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were texting all night with a calculator.
Why the hell isn`t the iphone`s battery life called "Apple Juice."