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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.
May the bridges I burn light the way.
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!