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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
Not to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
awesome collection!