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I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
?-- that guy is cute ?
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
I had your cake and ate it too.
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"