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Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
Velcro is a ripoff
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.