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Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny, AND thin ... It`s a public service really.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
Inspiration: nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either.
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I`m murdered because I don`t want him to remarry