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A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.