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I wish "friends with benefits" meant your friends paid all of your bills.
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.