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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.