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WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you`re doing it.
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.