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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends....
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace