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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
Everyone has fitness goals and I’m over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.