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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
Please don`t hastag out loud...
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
Worries about the economy grow again after the world`s biggest yacht-selling company announce a drop in sails
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.