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Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking.
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.