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If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
I thought I was a bit hardcore until I saw this guy sucking on a soy sauce packet like an Otter Pop.
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
If I owned a copy shop, Iād only hire identical twins to work there.
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?