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It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
2 words, 1 finger.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
Bless me Father for I hit send.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
Have you ever noticed that half way through the ColonialPenn insurance commercial, Alex Trebek tries to pull a Jedi-Mind-Trick on us.... "This is the insurance you are looking for." (I didn`t get enough sleep last night.)