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What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
I don’t trust joggers, it’s a little too convenient that they are always the ones to discover dead bodies.
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.