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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...