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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
?-- that guy is cute ?
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It`s delicious.
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
The best nights are those when it never crosses your mind to update your Facebook status.
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.