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I love being married. It`s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
Sรถ รฎ hรจรฃrd รฟรดu lรฌkรช gรนรฟลก with รกcรงeรฑts?
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
I read Facebook for the pictures.
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"