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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until the creepy guy from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station.
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
Walmart needs observation decks.
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-