Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
condoms prevent minivans
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
your status deserves a standing ovation but I`m lazy I`ll just click `like`
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.