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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now...
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(