Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
BEER! The official sponsor of hot days!
I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
The wet spot in my bed is tears
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.