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I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
My favorite beer is an open one.
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
Friends are like condoms… they protect you when things get hard.