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Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that I’d have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.