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Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.
I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...