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Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired