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How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.