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Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
justin bieber
There’s no “I” in team and coincidentally none in "Go f*ck yourself" either.
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".
I’m jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.