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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I`d miss you, but I`d still love you."
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
It`s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.