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Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.