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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn`t believe me.
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
My view on chocolate: God’s way of saying, “No hard feelings,” to those of us who aren’t getting any.
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.