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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
Every day is just a new opportunity to eat pizza.
Long story short, I love summaries
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.