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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
There is nothing more terrifying than sneezing while driving.
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?