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India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
Good morning to some...Hello to others...And f*uck you to the rest!!
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
You don`t need to use your words if you`re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.