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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!