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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.