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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
2 words, 1 finger.
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
This status is mine....I licked it.
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.