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When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
It was all so different before everything changed.
Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop.
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...