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I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
The only problem with sarcasm is, it only works on intelligent people.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
“You look tired” is just a polite way to tell someone they look like sh*t.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.