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"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn`t already know that.
Just once I want someone to make a movie that’s sideways on the screen so I can watch it laying down without getting a kink in my neck.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.