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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
Today is National Fritters Day. I don`t know what that means, so I just went naked today. Gotta be something like that.
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.