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Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
A broken clock is right twice a day. I guess what I am saying is, that a broken clock is right more than you.
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
You don’t have to be naked to have a good time, but it helps.
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was ugly, I`d be broke as hell because I`m a sexy beast!!
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.
Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision.