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I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!