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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.