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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I`ll keep you all posted.
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.