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I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes.
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
It`s my birthday. Iām not just a year older, Iām also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that Iām married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.