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French people give me the crepes.
Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.