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that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can’t pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.