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3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
yo fellas how did that "wow" comment you left on that girls facebook picture play out
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!
The only thing I can fix in this world tonight is another drink.