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It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
take me drunk i`m home
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.