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If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
My number was 0...
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.