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I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
I just ate Pasta and Anti-Pasta, but they annihilated each other, now I am hungry again.......
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.