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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.