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Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
*spits out animal cracker* This doesn`t even taste like hippo.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...