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My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.