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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
I dream about naps.
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm
That moment when being uncool, is cool
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her