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If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.