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Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....`I`ve got nothing man.`
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.