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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
Honk if you want to see my finger.
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.