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My wife is pissed at me again. Apparently I`m breathing wrong.
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The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
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Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
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Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
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I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
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So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
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My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
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How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
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According to my neighbor`s rooster, it`s 5am now. Also according to my neighbor`s rooster, we`re having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.
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Carfax but for people
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Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
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My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
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This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
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Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light
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HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(
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