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I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.